Was sitting in my room doing my usual Monday routine of video games and Internet surfing and noticed a bunch of post about a few of my friends getting married, having kids, and the usual facebook stuff that you see this time of year and at first did not really think anything about it. It wasn't until a bad match in League of Legends and a bath room break to make me start thinking again about those same things that haunt anyone around my age. What am i doing in my life? I have been thinking about that for the longest time right now and I know that i am in control of my life and that my decisions are a reflection of where i am at right now, sounds like something that you would here at an AA meeting, but i understand that. My problem is why don't i care?
I understand that I need to finish school, want to be a teacher and i definitely need to be pressing the school to send some kind of response in regards to my efforts in trying to get hold of them for such a long time, but why go through the hassle. If the school wanted to help me I wouldn't have gotten an academic advisor that stopped helping me, no response from anyone from the school, or a bunch of other things. I understand though I am just one person in thousands of people the school has to entertain and handle in any given day so I know people slip through the cracks and it is my responsibility but why don't i care?
Could my lack of caring be from the changes made making it to where high school kids do not have to take as many math classes in high school voiding them of valuable knowledge? Perhaps the recent outbreak of shootings on campuses scaring me into not wanting to finish or have i become so desensitized by the real world that I am just a shell of my former self.
So i thought about it, I couldn't be some emotionless robot. I care about alot of things. starting from the bottom i care about my computer, with out this i couldn't see my lolcats or anything that my friends post on facebook. I care alot about my friends because without them I would be a pretty lonely and unfunny person. I care about my family who has been there for me whenever i needed them. The ones that pushed me through 1-12 grade and beyond.
Standing back and going over what i just typed I think I just need to get stop being a (as Nathan would put it) punk bitch and just keep moving forward and strive too my goals. It just seems at times I'm surround by darkness and cant see the light........
